Hillary Clinton
=Ready for Rapture!= OMG people end times are here the The Whore of Babylon is getting ready to be elected President! Who is the whore? Hillary "Rodham" Clinton the current junior senator of New York and a U.S. Demoncrat Presidential candidate. She is currently busy flip flopping on her official name. The most recent report listed her as "Rodham Hillary Rodham Clinton Rodham Hamrod Rodham", or something like.Pick a name lady, we're at war! She is also a cry baby. Educashun thumb|left|"Anyone seen Batman?" Hillary graduated with her law degree from the Cheatem, Swindle and Lyer School of Law in 1973. Finding it difficult to break into the higher law positions as women often found in the early 1970s, she decided to move to Arkansas, where the concept of law was still a novelty. There she met the governor, William Clinton, and won him over with frequent gifts of McDonald's value meals and the occasional round of oral sex. She later discussed this with Barbara Walters on an episode of The View, and said that, being a lesbian, she found the situation difficult to swallow. But her education has served her well. After all, the best way to destroy something is to first study it. Personal Life In her spare time Hillary enjoys emasculating her husband, eating puppies, and drinking the tears of babies. She also enjoys roaming deserted tropical islands where she eats from the toilet. "Marriage" After marrying, Hillary kept her married name but their sole child, Chelsea Clinton, took her father's name. There is some dispute as to how Hillary Rodham Clinton got pregnant. In a later, tearful, interview during Bill's second run for President of the United States of America, Hillary theorized that she must have rolled over in bed and accidentally got semen on her genetalia, left over from Bill's earlier masturbation. However Al Gore, Bill's former science nerd Vice President believes that a turkey baster must have been used. He plans to write a book about it, called An Inconvienient Orgasm. Presidential Candidacy After Bill's second Presidential term ended, she moved her legal residence to New York in the hopes of becoming a temporary Senator so she could run for President herself. She succeeded marvelously with the aid of rabid über-liberals such as Nancy Pelosi and the administration of MoveOn.org and now has her eyes firmly set on overhauling the national health care system to mimic the socialized medicine of Canada and France. This has greatly angered CanadiansWait... Canadians can be angered?! as "Hillary-Care" could reduce profits from Americans going north of the border in search of decent medical treatment. Michael Moore, however, has reassured Canadians that his ever-expanding stomach alone will use up most of the "Hillary-Care" resources. Legacy as First Lady "Hillary says she's the best presidential candidate for president because she has already spent eight years in the White House... So has the Pastry Chef..." - Frank Pate Hillary garnered some controversy as First Lady, standing idly by as "her man" had "sexual relations" with one or two women.Dolly Kyle Browning, Marsha Scott, Belinda Stronach, Gennifer Flowers, Paula Jones, Monica Lewinsky, etc., etc. This virtual ignorance of her husband's serial liaisons pissed off many feminazi's and temporarily turned them against her. However, eight years of presidential perfection have apparently wiped their man-hating minds. Worst candidate EVER? Hillary is often been named as the worst presidential candidate this country has ever seen. But that's harsh.What about... umm... Jimmy Carter?. She also frequently states that being a woman makes her uniquely equipped to be a presidential candidate. However we could not find that a vagina was ever determined to be useful as president. Furthermore, more than half the population are women, so that's hardly a unique status. However it has been uncovered that having a vagina is useful to be a prostitute, and Hillary has done an excellent job illegally accepting money while having a vagina. (See Chinese citation below.) Why Hillary Would Make A Bad President * Her face would frequently break cameras. * She would have ugliest First Lady EVER! More Controversies thumb|right|A woman nude is a beautiful thing. Except here. This page will be updated as more news as the blustering Communist Train rattles down the tracks to November, 2008. * Hillary sabotages child vaccinations, saying her food supply shouldn't be pumped full of drugs. * Hillary stiffs waitresses at a diner, and then has her campaign lie and say a $100 tip was left on a $57 bill. The truth is Hillary didn't pay because she didn't eat the food there, as she only eats puppies. * Hillary involved in lesbian affair with a campaign worker. Gives her aide a "tongue lashing" when called to the "carpet". She apparently has good taste in women. * Hillary cares too much about the little people, just ask her. * Hillary started her lesbian lifestyle off with a bang: by killing her lover Vince Foster * Chinese people anonymously make illegal donations to her campaign. She claims "it's just how the Chinese people say hello! It means nothing!" * Hillary wants to do away with the Electoral College because they have such a low graduation rate.Lucky she hasn't noticed Alabama's education system, or they'd be toast! * Hillary is permanently menstruating. See also * Taxachusetts * Wicca Footnotes